O Really? Ya Really!
Mum called this morning and tells me all about her manicure party she’s having. Already talking like all 3 of us would be there. Then says she wants me to bring a list of my lipstick colors. Hell, bring the whole make-up kit. She loves my colors. O Really? Ya Really!
I somehow managed to agree to it.
Don’t ask me how. I told Sarah it was because it was after 7 and I was more focused on getting ready for work than coming up with a good excuse. I don’t recall saying "yes", exactly—But I didn’t really say "no" either. All I gave her was an "Ahh—" Drawing a blank. She took this to be a ‘Yes’ and she's all "Good! Can’t wait till then! It’s a date!" It felt like I was talking to a psychotic girl from one of those awful romantic comedies where the guy’s just too kind to say "I don’t like you".
SO—I’ve got to figure out something. Either find a way to weasel out of it, or find a way to tell Jim about it that won’t make him pissy. I know what would happen if I was totally up front with him. He’d get that confused/flustered look, unable to believe I got myself talked into it. Then stop himself, make a ‘back away’ gesture, and tell me that if it’s what I wanna do, go for it. Then he may or may not add: "But if she pisses you off, I don’t want to hear about it."
Fair enough.
So—Do I really want to do it? Or would it be just to keep the peace? A mere PR move? What for?
Okay—I was flattered that she was interested in my makeup collection. It was a complement I wasn’t expecting and I really couldn’t explain why it made me feel flattered. Probably for the same reason that I was falling all over myself that night that Jim was going on about how pretty I am. And even prettier in makeup, he’d raised his brows emphatically to drive the point home. *blush* Aw gee.
BUT—Remember all the conversations where we discussed how fruitless it is to go chasing after my mother’s seal of approval?
See—Here is the crux of journaling. I’ve just now realized why Mum’s interest in my makeup flattered me:
I’ve wanted so badly for her seal of approval.. That as miniscule and trivial as it may seem, her interest in my makeup collection is a form of approval to me. This is why.
So—I don’t know. I've got a decision to make. And I got about 3-4 days to make it.
~Gimme Strength!~
I somehow managed to agree to it.
Don’t ask me how. I told Sarah it was because it was after 7 and I was more focused on getting ready for work than coming up with a good excuse. I don’t recall saying "yes", exactly—But I didn’t really say "no" either. All I gave her was an "Ahh—" Drawing a blank. She took this to be a ‘Yes’ and she's all "Good! Can’t wait till then! It’s a date!" It felt like I was talking to a psychotic girl from one of those awful romantic comedies where the guy’s just too kind to say "I don’t like you".
SO—I’ve got to figure out something. Either find a way to weasel out of it, or find a way to tell Jim about it that won’t make him pissy. I know what would happen if I was totally up front with him. He’d get that confused/flustered look, unable to believe I got myself talked into it. Then stop himself, make a ‘back away’ gesture, and tell me that if it’s what I wanna do, go for it. Then he may or may not add: "But if she pisses you off, I don’t want to hear about it."
Fair enough.
So—Do I really want to do it? Or would it be just to keep the peace? A mere PR move? What for?
Okay—I was flattered that she was interested in my makeup collection. It was a complement I wasn’t expecting and I really couldn’t explain why it made me feel flattered. Probably for the same reason that I was falling all over myself that night that Jim was going on about how pretty I am. And even prettier in makeup, he’d raised his brows emphatically to drive the point home. *blush* Aw gee.
BUT—Remember all the conversations where we discussed how fruitless it is to go chasing after my mother’s seal of approval?
See—Here is the crux of journaling. I’ve just now realized why Mum’s interest in my makeup flattered me:
I’ve wanted so badly for her seal of approval.. That as miniscule and trivial as it may seem, her interest in my makeup collection is a form of approval to me. This is why.
So—I don’t know. I've got a decision to make. And I got about 3-4 days to make it.
~Gimme Strength!~
posted by Sonny Shine at 3:45 PM
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