Who says you have to set it free if you love it?
I've somehow always associated "pride" with someone who's full of themselves. This is the pride that qualifies as a deadly sin.
HOWEVER,
There is another form of pride. The sort of pride that makes a person refuse help when things are going bad. The sort of pride that insists on doing things alone. It is this form of pride that made for a rough couple of weeks.
Surely none of us are strangers to financial dire straights. We've all been poor from time to time. Jim and I are no exception. Jim's financial situation has been looking exceptionally grim. He worries about being able to provide for me. And he also worries about being an anchor, keeping me from happiness. Of course, this couldn't be further from the truth. But-- because of this, Jim encouraged me to look for someone else. He insisted that I spend some time honestly thinking about us. I said I have. And his response was essentially that I haven't truly thought about it because I still want to be with him. He argued that his inadequacies were cold, hard realities, not just something he was seeing from a perspective colored by his low self-esteem.
If you love something, set it free.
But I didn't want to buy into that. I'm thinking: Hell, we madly and deeply love each other. He makes me tremendously happy. I make him happy, right? So why the hell should we have to part ways? Because he thinks I'd be better off without him. I begged to differ. He insisted. Tears were shed. Then he said we'd ween ourselves off each other. "This [our relationship] didn't start overnight, and I don't want it to end overnight."
It's been a dark couple of weeks. But unless I miss my guess, there's some light peeking out there on that horizon. There's this inevitable pull. Last night we even went on a real live date to the drive-up A&W. Laughing & joking as though nothing had changed. Maybe it was just a 'rough spot' and we'll be okay after all. I try not to think about it too much cuz it just makes me worry more. I try to focus on now. And how good things feel between us right now compared to all the sadness last week.
Besides... I need some happiness to keep me from stewing about Milo's cancer. Took the old marmalade puss to the vet to have the lump between his shoulder blades checked out. He now has a lump on his chest as well. Poor guy. 13yrs old, he is. I guess I can't say he hasn't had a full life. And he's still getting along okay... he doesn't climb stairs quite like he used to... He's having a harder time bending forward to get a drink.... but the old boy still purrs, bless his heart. And he's still got that "Milo Charm". And as long as I don't think about him losing that charm, or think about how I'll someday have to put him down, I'm okay.
Can't let myself worry too much. Can't stew. Gotta go for the sunlight just over that horizon. It's coming. It's going to shine on me. It's going to warm my bones and make me feel like dancing. Or something.
HOWEVER,
There is another form of pride. The sort of pride that makes a person refuse help when things are going bad. The sort of pride that insists on doing things alone. It is this form of pride that made for a rough couple of weeks.
Surely none of us are strangers to financial dire straights. We've all been poor from time to time. Jim and I are no exception. Jim's financial situation has been looking exceptionally grim. He worries about being able to provide for me. And he also worries about being an anchor, keeping me from happiness. Of course, this couldn't be further from the truth. But-- because of this, Jim encouraged me to look for someone else. He insisted that I spend some time honestly thinking about us. I said I have. And his response was essentially that I haven't truly thought about it because I still want to be with him. He argued that his inadequacies were cold, hard realities, not just something he was seeing from a perspective colored by his low self-esteem.
If you love something, set it free.
But I didn't want to buy into that. I'm thinking: Hell, we madly and deeply love each other. He makes me tremendously happy. I make him happy, right? So why the hell should we have to part ways? Because he thinks I'd be better off without him. I begged to differ. He insisted. Tears were shed. Then he said we'd ween ourselves off each other. "This [our relationship] didn't start overnight, and I don't want it to end overnight."
It's been a dark couple of weeks. But unless I miss my guess, there's some light peeking out there on that horizon. There's this inevitable pull. Last night we even went on a real live date to the drive-up A&W. Laughing & joking as though nothing had changed. Maybe it was just a 'rough spot' and we'll be okay after all. I try not to think about it too much cuz it just makes me worry more. I try to focus on now. And how good things feel between us right now compared to all the sadness last week.
Besides... I need some happiness to keep me from stewing about Milo's cancer. Took the old marmalade puss to the vet to have the lump between his shoulder blades checked out. He now has a lump on his chest as well. Poor guy. 13yrs old, he is. I guess I can't say he hasn't had a full life. And he's still getting along okay... he doesn't climb stairs quite like he used to... He's having a harder time bending forward to get a drink.... but the old boy still purrs, bless his heart. And he's still got that "Milo Charm". And as long as I don't think about him losing that charm, or think about how I'll someday have to put him down, I'm okay.
Can't let myself worry too much. Can't stew. Gotta go for the sunlight just over that horizon. It's coming. It's going to shine on me. It's going to warm my bones and make me feel like dancing. Or something.
posted by Sonny Shine at 7:02 PM
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