Come on up to the House
"This world is not my home, I'm just passing through." -- Tom Waits
I've been listening to a lot of Tom Waits lately. Good Medicine, I reckon. Paired with a nice green tea.
I wonder if I should be washing down cold medicine with Cherry Coke. It's not like I can't get water. I take my asprin with pop, though and it still works. Such things I worry about. Then there's the bigger worries.
Like my Jimmy.
We're both broke, but his debts are considerably larger than mine.(House payment, truck payment, bike payment, fuel oil which has gotten exceptionally expensive, vehicle insurance, health insurance, house insurance...) He's looking into loan consolidation but the numbers are still way too intimidating. And still he insists on paying me back for the money I gave to help with his bills last April. Oh Jim. He called me tonight & just missed me as I was out with the dog.(The one time I don't take it with me) The message sounded so sad. "Hey. It's just me. I guess I'll talk to you later." I called him back and he still sounded sad. I worry about him a lot. He's been so depressed lately. But he's also been really cheerful. They come in spurts, alternating. It's his cheerfulness that helps sustain hope and helps me believe that he's doing okay--Like he's fighting the depression and winning. Or, I could be a bit concieted and say it was my bubbly, loving, and supportive personality that helps him fight the depression. A bit concieted? Oh, that's a LOT concieted, isn't it? Listen to me. Feh. How I go on.
In other news, I ran across my good friend and fellow writer, N, who had relocated to Madison after graduation via Yahoo Messenger. She's totally in love and I'm so happy for her.
Jim was struck with a cold and by no small coincidence, I've caught it. When he first came down with it, he sounded so miserable. I told him I'd take the cold from him if I could. "If I'd let you," he answered, meaning he wouldn't. Today, as my nose drains & dribbles he says: "Well, you wanted it, you got it." The good news of it right now is now that we're both sick, we can kiss. I mean, REALLY kiss. Oh, I love those tender pecks on the cheek, but there were many times when just Jim was sick that we nearly touched lips purely subconsciously and we'd catch ourselves in the nick of time. If you could call it that. It didn't take long before I missed those full kisses so badly.
Jim tells me that by Monday I'll be head-to-toe miserable with this cold, unable to get out of bed. Just as he was. I don't know if I'm supposed to endeavor to disprove him or if I'm to expect it and let it happen? He must've caught the look because he then said: "I'm not saying this to chew your ass. I'm just making a prediction." And he warned me that he'll be keeping an exceptional distance once he's well again and I'm still sick. "I learned from Bud," he said, referring to the late Bud Wall who would spray you with Lysol if you emitted so much as a sneeze. If you were sneaky enough to borrow his phone(If you asked politely and were sniffly, you didn't touch it) he'd spray the phone with Lysol. Sickly students were kicked out of class & sent home. Mind you, Bud was rarely sick...
We got talking about parental approval and how I need to recognize the fact that my mother will never give me any seal of approval. Jim was very up front and adamant about how I need to stop going after it.-->
The last time I talked to mom, I mentioned the desire to go back to school honestly believing she'd give me an 'attagirl' and be pleased with me. Especially the Ph.D. Wouldn't that impress her?/Make her proud? She later talks to my sister -- "I know why Karen wants to go back to school," she'd said. Why? Because I wanted to take out another student loan so I don't have to pay for the one I've got. WhAT?? o.0
I was HOT. To say the least. And haven't talked to her since. Jim shook his head, basically telling me that was a stupid move(telling my mom about going back to school). He wonders if it's a sign that I have a big mouth. But I tell him why I told her. Again, he shook his head reminding me that getting my mother's approval is liking getting to the end of a rainbow. No matter how close it might feel, you won't actually get it.
"Besides," he adds, "You don't need anyone's approval." I told him about how Grandma told us she was proud of us. And she'd called us to her to tell us.(She was sick with cancer at the time)
"She said, 'I'm really proud of you kids'," I said, feeling my voice crack. It's still on my mind a little while later and Jim can see my gears are turning.
"What?"
"I miss her."
"You'll see her again someday," he said.
Get some more Tom Waits going.
"The good in world you can put inside a thimble and still have room for you and me." --Tom Waits, Misery is the River of the World
I've been listening to a lot of Tom Waits lately. Good Medicine, I reckon. Paired with a nice green tea.
I wonder if I should be washing down cold medicine with Cherry Coke. It's not like I can't get water. I take my asprin with pop, though and it still works. Such things I worry about. Then there's the bigger worries.
Like my Jimmy.
We're both broke, but his debts are considerably larger than mine.(House payment, truck payment, bike payment, fuel oil which has gotten exceptionally expensive, vehicle insurance, health insurance, house insurance...) He's looking into loan consolidation but the numbers are still way too intimidating. And still he insists on paying me back for the money I gave to help with his bills last April. Oh Jim. He called me tonight & just missed me as I was out with the dog.(The one time I don't take it with me) The message sounded so sad. "Hey. It's just me. I guess I'll talk to you later." I called him back and he still sounded sad. I worry about him a lot. He's been so depressed lately. But he's also been really cheerful. They come in spurts, alternating. It's his cheerfulness that helps sustain hope and helps me believe that he's doing okay--Like he's fighting the depression and winning. Or, I could be a bit concieted and say it was my bubbly, loving, and supportive personality that helps him fight the depression. A bit concieted? Oh, that's a LOT concieted, isn't it? Listen to me. Feh. How I go on.
In other news, I ran across my good friend and fellow writer, N, who had relocated to Madison after graduation via Yahoo Messenger. She's totally in love and I'm so happy for her.
Jim was struck with a cold and by no small coincidence, I've caught it. When he first came down with it, he sounded so miserable. I told him I'd take the cold from him if I could. "If I'd let you," he answered, meaning he wouldn't. Today, as my nose drains & dribbles he says: "Well, you wanted it, you got it." The good news of it right now is now that we're both sick, we can kiss. I mean, REALLY kiss. Oh, I love those tender pecks on the cheek, but there were many times when just Jim was sick that we nearly touched lips purely subconsciously and we'd catch ourselves in the nick of time. If you could call it that. It didn't take long before I missed those full kisses so badly.
Jim tells me that by Monday I'll be head-to-toe miserable with this cold, unable to get out of bed. Just as he was. I don't know if I'm supposed to endeavor to disprove him or if I'm to expect it and let it happen? He must've caught the look because he then said: "I'm not saying this to chew your ass. I'm just making a prediction." And he warned me that he'll be keeping an exceptional distance once he's well again and I'm still sick. "I learned from Bud," he said, referring to the late Bud Wall who would spray you with Lysol if you emitted so much as a sneeze. If you were sneaky enough to borrow his phone(If you asked politely and were sniffly, you didn't touch it) he'd spray the phone with Lysol. Sickly students were kicked out of class & sent home. Mind you, Bud was rarely sick...
We got talking about parental approval and how I need to recognize the fact that my mother will never give me any seal of approval. Jim was very up front and adamant about how I need to stop going after it.-->
The last time I talked to mom, I mentioned the desire to go back to school honestly believing she'd give me an 'attagirl' and be pleased with me. Especially the Ph.D. Wouldn't that impress her?/Make her proud? She later talks to my sister -- "I know why Karen wants to go back to school," she'd said. Why? Because I wanted to take out another student loan so I don't have to pay for the one I've got. WhAT?? o.0
I was HOT. To say the least. And haven't talked to her since. Jim shook his head, basically telling me that was a stupid move(telling my mom about going back to school). He wonders if it's a sign that I have a big mouth. But I tell him why I told her. Again, he shook his head reminding me that getting my mother's approval is liking getting to the end of a rainbow. No matter how close it might feel, you won't actually get it.
"Besides," he adds, "You don't need anyone's approval." I told him about how Grandma told us she was proud of us. And she'd called us to her to tell us.(She was sick with cancer at the time)
"She said, 'I'm really proud of you kids'," I said, feeling my voice crack. It's still on my mind a little while later and Jim can see my gears are turning.
"What?"
"I miss her."
"You'll see her again someday," he said.
Get some more Tom Waits going.
"The good in world you can put inside a thimble and still have room for you and me." --Tom Waits, Misery is the River of the World
posted by Sonny Shine at 6:10 PM
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